I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
