he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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