I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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