you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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