I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
