turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
