You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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