fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
