It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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