That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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