Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
