just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
