Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
