Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
