she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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