two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
