my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
