i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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