i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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