She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
