i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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