he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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