He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
