dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
