god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
