I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
