I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
