life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
