Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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