my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
