I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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