its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
