i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
