Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
