Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
