i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
