Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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