The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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