the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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