My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
And then he peed in my hair
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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