clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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