Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
