i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
