i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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