I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
