I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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