i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
