Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
