the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
