I need help removing her.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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