I accidentally had phone sex last night
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
