dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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