I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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