if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You are the jesus of drinking
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
