we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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