The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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